The Final Moments

In a frenzied haste, with excitement and exhaustion, we all lurch thru the finish tape. It is an extraordinary and very familiar feeling to see the backs of yet another year's associations pass though my doors for one last time, some with joy and playful exhuberance, and others with the hesitant steps of one who realizes they are, at that exact moment, straddling a world they understand and recognize as safe, and a new, unfamiliar future, full of endless possibilities and fears. Often, I'm as surprized by who races out of the room without a backward glance, as I am startled by those who hesitate at the door. Some are unexpected, some are familiar lingerers. It is the dawning in these faces I find myself dwelling upon the most. These eyes, softened by the fresh realization of temporality, scan the room and seem to plead for some invisible hand to escort them through the door, and into their new worlds. It's both endearing and bittersweet, but it always is. I no longer am surprized by the ones who stagger to the finish line with increasing fear masked by hostility, often directed toward myself, as the full impact of their approaching uncertainty looms closer. It is those children, those who have required the most vigilant care, nurturing and management, that often blow their tops at the year's end, creating for themselves the unfortunate legacy of a great year topped by a rotting peach. I wrote to a parent of one such child today, and I asked her that she please pass along the following message: although the final days were probably a disappointment, I thought he was a great kid, and that I had the highest hopes for his future.- with this message,. I wanted to absolve him of guilt. I wanted to return to him all the days he tried, with constant struggle of self and curriculum, to muddle through a difficult path toward manhood. I wish him well, as I wish all my students, no matter the course. And as I approach this same threshold, I throw my own hesitant, backward glance and I too wish them a fond "adieu".